Snapchat ruined my life
I came to the realisation a few months ago that snapchat has ruined my life. Whenever I feel good about myself and decide to take a selfie or twenty. Afterwards, I spend way too long agonising over how much I hated myself and how I look in each of the pictures. I see every single insecurity and flaw in my face. I spend mere moments deleting them all. Then, I go onto my trusted app, Snapchat. I go through the filters, one by one, watching my face transform until I find something that makes me look good and take some more selfies. Suddenly, I feel a little bit better about myself. It's beyond wrong that I'm uncomfortable with the sight of my own face without some sort of filter enhancing my looks. But without a snapchat filter, I can't see my own beauty or self-worth. I have to put on a filter or fear I'll look ugly in all my selfies. It's just not right that I diminish myself without the use of a filter on my face. I can't pinpoint the moment that this happened but it was probably not long after I downloaded the app. It saddens me that I can't bear to look a photo of my face without a snapchat filter. So, I think it's time that I make a vow to myself to see my beauty and work on my self-love. I don't know if I've ever really considered this phrase before in regards to myself, my anxiety and sense of worth have decreased a lot within the past years. There were times when I used to not be bothered, I'd go to school with the smallest amount of mascara on and often without even thinking about what I was wearing and I didn't care. It kinda changed in sixth form and worsened when I started university. Now, if I've left the house without makeup on it's because I have no choice. My everyday makeup look is the full works, I'm talking foundation, concealer, contour, highlight, eyebrows and eyeshadow. I don't enjoy wearing a full face of makeup but it's become a habit. I have so little confidence in myself that not wearing makeup means I feel like utter crap or really really couldn't be bothered to put it on. I'm getting better, I can miss out foundation now but without my concealer, bronzer, eyebrow, highlight and mascara I don't feel ready to tackle my day. I sometimes feel super confident in myself and honestly, I really don't care what people think about me but sometimes, my anxiety gets the best of me. Most of the time, my confidence disappears the moment I walk out of the door. Snapchat filters make me feel better about myself but the sheer amount of pictures on my Instagram with snapchat filters is sad. I need to learn how to love myself again and embrace the flaws I have. I can take pictures without filters and feel good about myself, I truly believe I can. So, without further ado, I will endeavour to stick to this creed and post pictures without a filter. Yes, I'll still use them because they're beautiful but I'm beautiful without the use of filters and I need to remember that.
I don't think that I will magically change overnight, I know that this will be a challenge but I truly believe that I can do this, with some trial and error, I'll be able to love myself again.
Also, before this is taken out of context, I'm not saying that I don't love snapchat, I do. It's one of my most used apps for just talking to people and of course, updating my story when I'm doing interesting things. The title is hyperbole. Snapchat hasn't ruined my life at all but it has helped to destroy what little confidence I do have in myself.
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